12/02/24 14:12:27.57 phm2qzIb0
[添削後]
I partly agree with your friend's idea. In my opinion, travelling abroad will give us a good opportunity
to take a break and make us maturer, because if we start working regularly, we will not be allowed to take
long vacations. Unfortunately, however, it is getting harder and harder to get a job in Japan. It is true
that taking a break makes your friend relaxed and refreshed, but he may feel uneasy when he starts to look
for a job. The reason is that these days many companies want to employ young people, so if he graduates later
than others do, he may find it harder to get a proper job. Therefore, if he insists on travelling abroad, why
don't you advise him to study abroad after entering a college? Going abroad to study will be a fruitful
experience for him. However, if he just escapes from reality, it is wrong of him to think in this way. For
college students who are expected to learn many things, time is more important than anything else. It is
ridiculous of him to waste time only for taking a break. Remind him that we don't have enough time.
[評価]
３０点満点で２１点から２４点くらい。２０点は下回らない。日本語の発想が随所に見られることと、makeの使い方がおかしい
点などが減点対象。また、少々説教臭いのは題意ゆえ仕方がない部分もあるが、もう少し個別具体的な反例を出しても良い。
付け焼き刃ではなく実感の伴った文章になっている分だけ破綻が少ない。なお、この英文を携帯に直接入力をしている限り、
スペルミスは直らない。入力前に、一度はきちんと英文全体を書いてみること。でないと、答案用紙の記入の際に困ることになる。