18/04/04 23:22:17.72 98SQ+ygk.net
深刻な話
1週間前から変なことが起こってるちょっと聞いてくれ。
最初に言っておくが俺は妄想癖でも総合失調症でも病気でもなんでもない。
笑わないでくれよ。ガチだ。
最近猫の忍者に狙われてる
551:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:22:33.39 98SQ+ygk.net
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552:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:22:45.74 98SQ+ygk.net
矢ガモ
昔、河で沖のほうで矢ガモを見かけた。かわいそうだなと思いながらも、沖のほうなのでどうすることもできないと見捨てていた
ある日河にいくといつものように弱弱しく泳いでいる。見るにみかねて助けることにした
救命服つけて、ゴムボートを借りて必死で漕いで漕いで、、近づいて見たらおまるだった
553:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:23:14.23 98SQ+ygk.net
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554:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:23:22.92 98SQ+ygk.net
８９３
俺の家の隣さ、いわゆる８９３が集まってる家があるんよ。
だから風呂に入ってるときよく話とか聞こえてくるわけ。
んでこの間さ、ぼーっと風呂に浸かってたら「んでだよコルァ！」とか聴こえるわけ。
また始まったなぁとこ思いながら聴いてたら、
「すすいだ瞬間キュキュっと落ちるんじゃねぇのかゴルぁ！」
とか叫んでるのが聴こえてくる始末。
勢い良く吹き出して浴槽に鼻水ぶちまけたよ。
555:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:23:39.30 98SQ+ygk.net
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556:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:24:05.03 98SQ+ygk.net
さんま
芸人「明石家さんまさん」
さんま「さん付けせんでええて」
芸人「明石家ま」
さんま「ﾌｧｰｰｰｰｰｰｰｰｰｗｗｗｗｗｗｗｗｗｗｗｗ ｗｗｗｗｗｗｗｗｗｗｗｗｗ(若者に未来を託し息絶える
557:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:24:38.14 98SQ+ygk.net
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558:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:24:47.31 98SQ+ygk.net
遠足
中学校の遠足でディズニーランドに行きました。
友人とミッキー型の風船を買って、
帰りのバスに乗り込もうとしたら
「おまえら！何の為の遠足だと思ってるんだ！」と怒られ、
風船の空気を抜かれました。
行き先ディズニーランドで、一体何の為の遠足だったのか
いまだに解かりません。
559:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:25:03.99 98SQ+ygk.net
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560:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:26:02.64 98SQ+ygk.net
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561:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:26:24.52 98SQ+ygk.net
アーティスト分類
会いたくて会いたくて震えるのが西野カナ
会えないから会いたいのが沢田知可子
会いたいくて会えないから私だけを見てほしいのが加藤ミリヤ
会いたくて会えなくて長すぎる夜に光を探してるのがGLAY
会いたいから会えない夜にはあなたを思うほど Uh UhするのもGLAY
会いたくて会えなくて揺れまどうけれど目覚めた翼は消せないのがラルク
会いたくて会えなくて唇噛み締めるのがEXILE
562:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:26:38.14 98SQ+ygk.net
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563:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:26:58.71 98SQ+ygk.net
分類
「お前は見られている」が宗教。
「見られていなくても」が道徳。
「どう見ているか」が哲学。
「見えているものは何か」が科学。
「見えるようにする」のが数学。
「見ることが出来たら」が文学。
「見えている事にする」のが統計学。
「見られると興奮する」のが変態。
564:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:27:08.87 98SQ+ygk.net
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)ｱﾊﾊﾊ八八八ﾉ ヽﾉ ヽﾉ ヽ
565:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:27:30.26 98SQ+ygk.net
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566:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:27:42.66 98SQ+ygk.net
ファービーその１
ファービーが「ナデナデシテー」ってうるさいから
頭の上にマッサージ器あてて死ぬほどナデナデしたら
「ファー…ブルスコ…ファー…ブルスコ…ファ-」ってなった。
最初は面白かったんだけど、なんかキモくなったので首元を横から思い切りチョップした
ら
「モルスァ」みたいなこと言いながらすごい勢いで飛んで行った。
567:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:27:57.48 98SQ+ygk.net
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568:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:28:15.22 98SQ+ygk.net
ファービーその２
そういえばファービーってこう、飛行機の模型で遊ぶようにブーンでやると
「ウウィー！！」とか「うをォォー！！」とか「ドゥーウェーイ！たーのしー！」
って言うよね。それで調子に乗ってやりまくってたらイカれて
「ウヲォォォォオ・・・ウヲォオオ・・・ウヲォオオ」
と言いながら体の動く箇所をすべて稼動させてた。目なんか白め向いてた。
あまりに怖くなって地面に叩きつけたら俺のファービーは記憶喪失になって日本語をすべて忘れた。
569:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:28:46.17 98SQ+ygk.net
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570:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:28:56.34 98SQ+ygk.net
携帯灰皿
喫煙所で同僚と話ながら携帯灰皿のふたを開けたら、朱肉だった
571:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:29:13.38 98SQ+ygk.net
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)ｱﾊﾊﾊ八八八ﾉ ヽﾉ ヽﾉ ヽ
572:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:29:23.42 98SQ+ygk.net
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573:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:29:46.06 98SQ+ygk.net
女性が求める理想の男性像
「えー理想の彼氏？やっぱいいとこの生まれで…」（鳩山由紀夫…）
「一生かけても使いきれないくらいのお金持ちで… 」（鳩山由 紀夫だ…）
「東大卒はもちろん海外の一流大学で博士号取っちゃうくらい頭よくて…」（鳩山由紀夫だ…）
「でもどこかロマンチストで…」 （鳩山由紀夫だ… ！）
574:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:29:55.98 98SQ+ygk.net
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575:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:30:13.85 98SQ+ygk.net
ブックオフ
むしゃくしゃした日はブックオフに行く。
そして本棚の陰に隠れてでかい声で「いらっしゃいませー！！」と叫ぶと、フロアにいる店員が一斉に「いらっしゃいませー！」とつられて言う。
これを２、３回繰り返し、気が済んだとこで店を出る。
576:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:30:21.67 98SQ+ygk.net
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578:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:30:47.87 98SQ+ygk.net
酔っぱらい
駅のトイレで用を足そうとしてた酔っぱらいのオッサン
チャックを開けてゴソゴソしながら
「アレェ！？ねぇぞォ？」
そんな筈あるか
よく探せ
579:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:30:57.75 98SQ+ygk.net
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580:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:31:28.15 98SQ+ygk.net
炊飯器でお手軽ケーキ
最近炊飯器でケーキ作るのにハマってるけど、炊飯時間が『32分で炊き上がります』って言ってるのに確実に一時間くらいかかる。
しかもだんだん長くなってる気がする。
炊飯器側も「米だと思って炊いてっけどコレ米じゃねーな」と感づいてるっぽい。
581:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:31:37.69 98SQ+ygk.net
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582:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:31:58.79 98SQ+ygk.net
反原発
今日、うちに検針に来たやつが伝票を郵便受けに入れようとしてたから
「原発の問題が終息するまで支払を拒否します」っていってやったら
「私に言われても困ります」なんて言うんで
「あなたも社員の一人でしょ、そのマークを付けているのだからまったく
責任がないとは言えないでしょう」とそいつの胸を指差したら
東京ガスって書いてあった。
583:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:32:06.98 98SQ+ygk.net
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584:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:32:25.75 98SQ+ygk.net
この便利グッズがすごい! 2013
1位 一万円札
様々な場面で役立つので、常に持ち歩いてます。(26歳女性・会社員)
これさえあれば 大抵の欲求は満たせる。(35歳男性・自営業)
マジで何にでも使える！最強の便利グッズ です！(18歳女性・学生)
585:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:32:35.91 98SQ+ygk.net
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586:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:33:07.20 98SQ+ygk.net
打ち間違え
携帯を変えたら前の携帯と濁点や句読点のボタンの位置が違う。
『はじめまして、こんばんは。』
と打ったつもりが
『はしあめまして こんはあんはわ』
になってた。
びっくりした(´・ω・`)
なれない自分に(´・ω・`)ショアーン
×ショアーン
○ショボーン
油断した(´・ω・`)スョボーン
587:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:33:15.34 98SQ+ygk.net
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588:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:33:35.16 98SQ+ygk.net
棒が一本あったとさwwwwwwwwwwww
A)ハッパかなwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
B)棒だろ
C)棒だよな
D)棒じゃん
E)棒でしょ
A)ハッパじゃないよwwwwwww カエルだよwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
F)棒だっていってんだろ
A)カエルじゃないよwwwwwwwww アヒルだよwwwwwwwwwwwwww
G)棒じゃねーのか
A)ごめん棒だったわ 俺どうにかしてた
589:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:33:45.93 98SQ+ygk.net
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590:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:34:05.02 98SQ+ygk.net
お説教
駅のホームで小3くらいの男の子がお母 さんに怒られてた。
母「何であんな点数取 るの！テストはまずゆっくり問題を読ん で・・・・・ってアンタ聞いてんの！！」
子「聞いてない！」
母「わぁっ！どこから 聞いてなかったの？」
子「お風呂の蓋閉め て！っ所から」
母「昨日から！」母絶句
591:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:34:14.11 98SQ+ygk.net
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592:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:34:47.99 98SQ+ygk.net
コンビニ
さっきコンビニに入ってきた蛾をかなりの時間追っ掛けてた。
『僕らが捕まえますんでいいですよ』って店員に言われた。
「助かります」って言って帰ってきた。
何しに行ったか忘れた
593:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:34:56.63 98SQ+ygk.net
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594:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:35:26.11 98SQ+ygk.net
オナラ大爆発
オナラが燃えると聞いたのでライターを尻に持って行きブーッとやろうとしたところ、
ウーッと出てしまい友達が驚いていました。
結構みんなが驚くので皆さんもやってみてください。
595:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:35:35.67 98SQ+ygk.net
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596:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:35:50.76 98SQ+ygk.net
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597:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:36:02.38 98SQ+ygk.net
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598:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:36:20.27 98SQ+ygk.net
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599:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:36:33.69 98SQ+ygk.net
田中君
小学生の頃、理科実験室で先生が机に布をかけて
その上から薬（？ビーカーに入ってた）をかけたら
ボンって音がして後ろの席の田中が屁をこいた。
クラス爆笑 田中も爆笑 先生も爆笑
先生は気を取られたのか布に薬をかけすぎて煙がブオーッって出て
煙は止まらず非常ベルが鳴り出して
全校避難ってことになって消防車とか
たまたま通りがかった市会議員の視察団とか来て大騒ぎになった。
帰りの会、教室の隅で涙ぐむ煙を出した先生（若いイケメン）
女子たちもボロボロ泣いてて
「田中君がおならをしたのがいけないと思います」
「私もそう思います」の大合唱
田中はええ～～～っっっっっ??!!!って顔してた。
男子は声に出さずに腹抱えて笑ってた。
翌日には田中の屁に引火して理科室が吹き飛んだことになってて
田中は中学卒業まで町一番の有名人だった。
600:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:36:52.40 98SQ+ygk.net
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602:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:37:07.64 98SQ+ygk.net
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603:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:37:37.25 98SQ+ygk.net
出会い系
出会い系サイトに「金正日」って名前で登録したら、放置していたサクラっぽいコから
ねぇねぇ金正日 さん。
今って何してるんですかぁ？昨日からずっとメールし続けてるせいか金正日さんの事ばかり考えちゃって…
さっきコンビニでおでん買う時に金正日って言っちゃったよぉ(・_・*)
ってメールが来てコーヒー吹いた
604:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:38:17.41 98SQ+ygk.net
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605:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:38:36.52 98SQ+ygk.net
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606:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:39:00.37 98SQ+ygk.net
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607:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:39:19.33 98SQ+ygk.net
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608:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:39:53.72 98SQ+ygk.net
チャーリーとチョコレート工場
「チャーリーとチョコレート工場見たいなぁ」って話したら
「工場見たいの??いいよ！どこにあるのかな？」
とマジで言われた。
映画だよダーリン('A`)
少しはテレビ見ようよダーリン ('A`)
工場見学に乗り気なのも問題だな
自分のことをチャーリーだと思ってるのも問題
609:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:40:26.57 98SQ+ygk.net
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610:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:40:42.64 98SQ+ygk.net
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611:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:41:05.21 98SQ+ygk.net
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612:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:41:22.41 98SQ+ygk.net
なんの話だよ
目を真っ赤にしてプルプルしながら上目遣いするのは確か藤原竜也が特許をとっていたはず
613:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:41:39.19 98SQ+ygk.net
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)ｱﾊﾊﾊ八八八ﾉ ヽﾉ ヽﾉ ヽ
614:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:41:59.00 98SQ+ygk.net
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615:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:42:17.65 98SQ+ygk.net
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616:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:42:41.71 98SQ+ygk.net
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617:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:43:02.20 98SQ+ygk.net
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618:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:43:19.47 98SQ+ygk.net
日本を代表する三大企業
・株式会社月極
日本全国で駐車場等を運営、日本最大手
保有物件に「月極」の看板を掲げている
・株式会社定礎
日本中に大量のビルを保有
保有ビルに「定礎」の文字のプレートをいれている
・株式会社ゴランノスポンサー
多くのテレビ番組のスポンサーとして有名
「ゴランノスポンサーの提供でお送りいたします」のアナウンスは有名
619:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:43:38.20 98SQ+ygk.net
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620:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:43:49.14 98SQ+ygk.net
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621:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:44:06.88 98SQ+ygk.net
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622:Classical名無しさん
2018/04/0
623:4(水) 23:44:25.28 ID:98SQ+ygk.net
624:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 23:44:48.43 98SQ+ygk.net
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625:過去ログ ★
[過去ログ]
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