18/04/04 22:40:40.24 98SQ+ygk.net
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401:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:40:58.43 98SQ+ygk.net
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402:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:41:09.72 98SQ+ygk.net
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403:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:41:26.99 98SQ+ygk.net
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404:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:41:47.30 98SQ+ygk.net
猫の喧嘩
関係ないけど
猫の喧嘩時の声は
マーオ
これを互いが連呼し合う
交互にやりとりしていくにつれてどんどん伸びる＆後部が高音になっていく
こんな感じ
Aマーオ
Bマーオ
Aマーーオ
Bマーオ
Aマーーーオ！
Bマーーオ！
Aマーーーーーーーーオ！！！！！！
Bマーーーーーーーオ！！！！！
A＆B「ギャフベロハギャベバブジョハバ」
A＆B「ゲフムギョボバハ」
A「フォー！」
B「フブフー！」
俺「Go!」
A＆B「フギャシャムベロクジョフォホ」
こんな感じだった。
405:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:42:03.75 98SQ+ygk.net
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406:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:42:19.61 98SQ+ygk.net
テンパリまくり
入って間もない時の事。
パートのおばあちゃんで
加地さんという人がいた。
僕はまだ加地さんの存在を知らなかった。
店は広いので従業員は内線で連絡をとりあう。
ある日一人でレジをしてたら内線がか
407:かってきた。 恐る恐るとる俺。 俺「はい，こちらデイリーです」 加地「あっ！もしもし！！加地です！！」 俺「え！！火事！？分かりました！！！」 電話を切る俺。慌ててこう叫ぶ。 俺「皆さん！火事です！！慌てないで下さい！非常出口まで案内します！！！」 課長「どうしてん！？」 俺「火事です！お客さんを非常出口まで案内します」 また電話が鳴る。 加地「あの～加地ですけど」俺「貴方も早くにげたほうがいいですよ！」 加地「何で？？！！」 俺「火事です！！」 加地「火事ですか？！」 俺「お名前は？！」 加地「加地です！！」 数時間後俺クビ
408:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:42:47.21 98SQ+ygk.net
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409:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:43:05.07 98SQ+ygk.net
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410:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:43:43.95 98SQ+ygk.net
アナウンス
駅のこなれたアナウンスは殺意が沸く
高校生のときに、初めてきた東京で電車乗り間違えたかなと思い
次の駅が何かすごい気にしてたときに流れたのが
「ﾂｨｹﾞﾉｹﾊ、ﾍﾃﾃﾃｽﾍﾃﾃｽ」
お前にとっては毎日の事だろうが、俺にとっては重要な駅名だったんだよ・・・
411:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:43:56.41 98SQ+ygk.net
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412:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:44:11.15 98SQ+ygk.net
こっくりさん
小学校の頃、こっくりさんが流行った頃に私も参加したことがあるのだが
女子１「○○君には好きな人がいますか？」
み・そ・ら・あ・め・ん
女子２「××君は私のことをどう思ってますか？」
ぱ・い・な・つ・ぷ・る
女子３「私は△△君の彼女になれますか？」
よ・が・ふ・れ・い・む
どういうわけか私が参加するとこっくりさんがバグるので
その後はまったく入れてもらえなかった
413:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:44:24.30 98SQ+ygk.net
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414:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:44:56.04 98SQ+ygk.net
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415:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:45:28.08 98SQ+ygk.net
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416:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:46:03.03 TD1LQKwZ.net
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417:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:46:04.09 98SQ+ygk.net
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418:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:46:25.88 98SQ+ygk.net
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419:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:46:42.99 98SQ+ygk.net
環境のせいにするな
男子校だったから彼女出来なかっただとか、
女子高だったから彼氏とかに縁がなかったって正直言い訳だからな。
俺男子校だったけど彼氏普通に出来たしな。
420:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:46:48.27 TD1LQKwZ.net
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421:
422:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:46:58.16 98SQ+ygk.net
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423:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:47:06.07 TD1LQKwZ.net
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424:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:47:13.70 98SQ+ygk.net
北乃きい
志田未来に比べると北乃きいの知名度って低いよな 。
この間クラスの女子に「北乃きいって知ってる？」って聞いたら
「は？誰おまえ？」って言われたよ 。
一般的にはその程度の知名度。
425:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:47:26.89 98SQ+ygk.net
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426:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:47:31.97 TD1LQKwZ.net
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427:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:47:51.30 98SQ+ygk.net
ききまつがい１
店員「当店のポイントカードはお餅でしょうか」
ぼく「えっ」
店員「当店のポイントカードはお餅ですか」
ぼく「いえしりません」
店員「えっ」
ぼく「えっ」
店員「まだお餅になってないということでしょうか」
ぼく「えっ」
店員「えっ」
ぼく「変化するってことですか」
店員「なにがですか」
ぼく「カードが」
店員「ああ使い続けていただければランクがあがって
カードが変わりますよ」
ぼく「そうなんだすごい」
店員「ではお作りいたしましょうか無料ですよ」
ぼく「くさったりしませんか」
店員「えっ」
ぼく「えっ」
店員「ああ期限のことなら最後に使ってから一年間使わないときれます」
ぼく「なにそれこわい」
店員「ちょくちょく来ていただければ無期限と同じですよ」
ぼく「なにそれもこわい」
店員「えっ」
ぼく「えっ」
428:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:47:54.48 TD1LQKwZ.net
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429:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:48:05.79 98SQ+ygk.net
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430:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:48:28.61 98SQ+ygk.net
医者「ウィルス検査の結果、あなたは妖精です」
ぼく「えっ」
医者「非常に残念です」
ぼく「僕が妖精なんですか？」
医者「はい」
ぼく「びっくりだけど・・・嬉しいかも」
医者「えっ」
ぼく「えっ」
医者「皆にうつらないように、人と接するのを避けてください」
ぼく「他人の目に映っちゃだめなんですか？」
医者「目というより、体ですね」
ぼく「乗り移るってことですか」
医者「はい」
ぼく「妖精が」
医者「まあそうです」
ぼく「妖精が増えますね」
医者「はやく全滅させたいんですけどね」
ぼく「えっ」
医者「えっ」
ぼく「殺すんですか」
医者「世界中に広がってますから」
ぼく「この殺人鬼」
医者「えっ」
ぼく「えっ」
医者「まぁだいたいこのクスリ飲めば自然に死んでいくんですけどね」
ぼく「なにそれこわい」
医者「あなたも毎日飲んでくださいね」
ぼく「絶対嫌だ」
医者「えっ」
ぼく「えっ」
431:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:48:44.72 98SQ+ygk.net
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432:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:48:52.75 TD1LQKwZ.net
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433:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:49:02.13 98SQ+ygk.net
部長「今度全フロアに小火器を設置するから手配しといてくれ。」
ぼく「えっ、何のためにですか？」
部長「もしものための備えだ。」
ぼく「いや、さすがに必要ないと思いますけど。」
部長「そうでもないぞ。最近友人が小火器に命を救われたばかりだからな。」
ぼく「なにそれこわい。」
部長「備えあれば憂い無しだ。」
ぼく「小火器はどこのメーカーにしましょうか？ コルトとかFNとか色々ありますけど。」
部長「私はメーカーはよく知らんから、君にまかせるよ。」
ぼく「じゃあ、ナイツのM4SOPMODにしときますね。M203も付けときます。」
部長「君、詳しいね。」
434:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:49:15.77 TD1LQKwZ.net
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435:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:49:15.80 98SQ+ygk.net
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436:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:49:43.26 98SQ+ygk.net
「えっ」ってｺﾋﾟﾍﾟをよく見るけど、実生活で起こった。
最近、
「えっ」
「えっ」ってｺﾋﾟﾍﾟをよく見るけど、実生活で起こった。
コールセンターに電話した時の会話。
相手「ツジ様（俺）の漢字はどんな漢字でしょうか？」
俺「え～、『十』にしんにょうですね。それの辻です。」
相手「は？・・・十二神将ですか。もう少し一般的な例えをいただけますか」
俺「えっ」
相手「えっ」 👀
Rock54: Caution(BBR-MD5:0be15ced7fbdb9fdb4d0ce1929c1b82f)
437:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:49:45.03 TD1LQKwZ.net
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438:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:49:55.43 98SQ+ygk.net
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439:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:50:22.99 98SQ+ygk.net
ワゴンR
今日デスクで仕事していたら、俺の上司が俺に向かって向こうの方からこう叫んだ。
「ワゴンアール！？」
ワゴンR？・・・スズキの車の名前か。
俺は話しの前後が全く分らず、なぜ上司が俺に車名を叫んでるのかがまったく理解できなかった。
それで
「ワゴンＲ？」
と返した。
すると上司は
「そう、ワゴンＲ？」
と言う。
俺は困って、ただ
「ワゴンＲ・・・」
と繰り返すほかなかった。
上司はモタモタしている俺に痺れを切らし、ツカツカと俺の傍までやってきて怒鳴った。
「輪ゴムあるかと言ってるんだ！！」
440:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:50:28.47 TD1LQKwZ.net
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441:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:50:35.19 98SQ+ygk.net
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443:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:50:51.88 TD1LQKwZ.net
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444:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:51:08.35 98SQ+ygk.net
予備校時代、英作文の問題で「覆水盆にかえらず」を
「Mr.Fukusui did not go home at summer vacation.」と訳したやつがいた。
今でも間違っていないと思う。
445:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:51:24.04 98SQ+ygk.net
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446:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:51:41.01 98SQ+ygk.net
昨日ファミレスで
「手ごねハンバーグ下さい」って言ったら
「今日はあいにく手ごねハンバーグ の機械が壊れていまして…」って言われた (´・ω・｀)
447:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:51:56.88 98SQ+ygk.net
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448:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:52:11.64 98SQ+ygk.net
新幹線
去年人との待ち合わせに早く着いて、名古屋駅の新幹線ホームに30分ぐらい居たんだが、
爺さんが駅員に何やら訴えてるのでなんとなくその内容を聞いてた。
この爺さん、名古屋から静岡の掛川に行こうとしてうっかりのぞみに乗ってしまい、
掛川すっ飛ばして新横浜まで行き、慌てて下りの新幹線に乗り換えたら
これがまたひかりで、掛川止まらずに名古屋まで帰って来てしまったそうだ。
駅員が事情を聞き終わって、案内が不親切だとか文句言う爺さんをなだめながら
「じゃあお爺ちゃん、このホームの次の次の新幹線は止まるから、それに乗ってね」
と言って去った。
15分位して退屈なので売店でコーヒー買ってた漏れがふと見ると、
入線してきたのぞみに何の疑問もなさそうに、
さっきの爺さんが乗り込んでいった。
さよなら爺さん。いつか掛川に着けるといいな。
449:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:52:16.84 TD1LQKwZ.net
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450:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:52:32.70 98SQ+ygk.net
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452:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:53:21.87 98SQ+ygk.net
汽車にて
友人達と四人で汽車に乗った時のこと。
その時の車両の座席は、通常全席が汽車の進行方向を向いているものを回転させる事で
四人が向かい合っても座れるような仕組みのものだった。
どうせなら皆一緒に座ろうと友人が座席を回転させると、座席と一緒に新聞を持ったおっさんが回転しながら現れた。
友人はそのままその椅子を回転させ、おっさんは再び回転しながら元の位置に戻っていった。
おっさんも俺らも終始無言。
まさか既に人が座っていたとは気付かなかった。
いきなりタイムショックw
453:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:53:40.67 98SQ+ygk.net
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454:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:54:09.59 98SQ+ygk.net
うどん県からのおしらせ
【香川県民からのお知らせ】
本日7月21日は土用の丑の日で、丑（うし）の『う』の字が付くものを食べれば
夏バテしないと言われています。
つまりうな重でなくても『う』で始まる物を食べれば構いません。
繰り返します、丑の日に食べるものは『う』で始まる食べ物であれば構いません。
455:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:54:33.62 98SQ+ygk.net
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456:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:55:05.87 98SQ+ygk.net
遣唐使まだー？
来ない。
遣唐使来ないじゃん。ぜんっぜん来ない。
毎年貢ぎ物持ってさぁ、来てたじゃん。この時期。なんで来んの。なんで？なんでなの？
あれかー。え？去年のあれか？「お前らの船さあ、毎回違うとこ着くよねー」って俺が言ったから？
いやだってあれはホントじゃん。都目指して船出してくるのに、毎回よくわかんないとこに流れ着くし。
あの、お前らがよく着く南の方とか、正直うちの領土なのかどうなのか微妙だかんね？知らんからね、変な人に捕まっても。
でさあ、着いたら着いたで「迎えに来てー、貢ぎ物多くて運べない」みたいなこと言ってくるでしょ。
なんだ彼氏か俺は。行くけどね？貢ぎ物欲しいからね。ハッピーターン超うまいしね。あれ何？超うまい。
457:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:55:28.24 98SQ+ygk.net
あれか。あれきつく言ったからか。お前らさあ、結構勝手にお経書き写すじゃん。
あれ犯罪だかんね。で、去年ちょっときつく注意したんだよね、そしたら、お金払えばいいんでしょ、みたいな態度とったじゃないですか。
あれホントなんだろ、がっかりしたわ。がっかりした。万里の長城あんまり意味ないことに気づいた時くらいがっかりした。
お金とかじゃないよ。でも、ホント大目に見てる方だと思うよ、うちはね。
いや。あれか。あの事件か。なんだろ、さんざん都で遊んで「さよならー」って言ったと思ったら流されてまた帰ってきたじゃん。
あれほんとやめてほしい。再見再見ってホントに再見したとき何て言っていいか分からん。
「あっ……お、おう！」ってなる。まあでもそれは仕方ないんだけど、「船が直るまであと3ヶ月居ます」みたいなこと言うじゃん。平気で。悪びれずに。
こっちの身にもなって欲しい。宿とか無いからね。お前らだけの宿じゃないからね。布団もさあ、全部干しちゃうし、シーツとか洗うし。
だから、カッとなって「お前らを泊めるところは無いよ
458:！」って言ったのね。 つい言っちゃったのね。そしたら、なんか勝手に変な家建てたじゃん。ホントにやりたい放題だな、おたくら。 でも、それについても何も言わなかったじゃん。言わなかったじゃない。 あの変な家もまだ有るよ。でも最近あの周りで人が消えるんですけど。あの家何？ なんだよ。どういうことだよ。結構お前らのために尽くしてる感はあるよ。来いよ。 俺、実際問題お前らのこと嫌いじゃないの。すげえアホだけど、なんか憎めないわけ。あとハッピーターン？あれ何？超うまいんですけど。 来ない。
459:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:55:33.20 TD1LQKwZ.net
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460:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:55:51.33 98SQ+ygk.net
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461:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:56:24.01 98SQ+ygk.net
お手洗い
そういえば、女の子がお手洗いいくときに「お花摘みにいってきます」っていうじゃん？
あれの男版考えようって話になって、男らしさを醸し出しつつ、時間かかっても大丈夫そうなの考えたら
「ちょっと熊狩ってくるわ」になった。俺は意地でも使い続けるぞ。
462:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:56:32.03 TD1LQKwZ.net
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463:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:57:10.31 TD1LQKwZ.net
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464:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:57:27.84 98SQ+ygk.net
機長さん
旅客機に乗客が乗り込み、しばらくしても出発しようとしなかった。
1時間もした頃、機内アナウンスが流れた。
「こちらは機長です。本機はエンジンにトラブルが見つかりましたので、離陸は中止いたします」
それを聞いた乗客は、散々待たされたイライラもあり、口々に「ふざけるな！」と叫んだ。
やがて再び機内アナウンスがあった。
「じゃあ、飛びます」
機内は大パニックになった。
465:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:57:35.34 TD1LQKwZ.net
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466:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:57:41.48 98SQ+ygk.net
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467:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:58:05.35 TD1LQKwZ.net
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468:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:58:09.43 98SQ+ygk.net
松岡修造
少女 「マッチいりませんか…？」
修造 「ダメだよ！もっと自分の商品をアピールしなきゃ！」
少女 「マ、マッチいりませんか！？」
修造 「下向いてちゃ何も伝わらないよ！もっと大声出して！！」
少女 「マッチいりませんか！！！」
修造 「いらない！！！！」
469:Classical名無しさん
18/04/04 22:58:24.24 98SQ+ygk.net
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